Working out kind of..:)

Okay so hit the gym a few times this weekend but Bad, Bad today...only went for a walk with Laurie..thanks Laurie! I do need to hit it tomorrow. I am trying to get stronger...to see how much I can bench press..should not be hard to move from current place...the 45 pound bar! Okay I lie...Saturday I did 55 pounds..two little five pound weights on either end...Yippee! good heavens keep me focused. My mind is a jumble so the body has to do something!. Tomorrow is do it day!

Gym after work hold me to it!

Okay moved furniture all day yesterday...figured that was pretty good work out...Today I go to gym after work...remind me!!! I must go. I am spending time getting organized and figured out that I am in need of a good "center". I am taking time to take care of me and that is hard. But I know I must and so today I will organize, exercise and rest. Let's see how that works for me :)

So a weekend 50/50 split

Well not perfect...and whine, whine, whine I was sick all week and Saturday at the gym was pretty much a major event. I felt weak and tired. But also I am getting stronger when it comes to lifting...that is pretty cool. Would it not be great to lift enough to loose weight and not have to do some darn much ucky cardio!!! I really get tired of the elliptical machine.

Today was a pretty bad, 15 minute quick work out before shower and then off to care for everyone else. Hey no wonder the "giving tree" ended up with just a stump. I am tired and going to bed. Gym tomorrow and some work on my book. Got to keep the workouts going so that I do not loose my drive.

okay back on it...not sure how long

Back to gym today...feeling like cold/flu is getting better. I feel better about finding the time to do what I need. Not much more to say and not sure that I am all that certain about staying dedicated. But for today it is okay....let us see what tomorrow brings!

OH no I am falling behind!

Had great work out Friday, Saturday was a struggle and yesterday and today: Nothing. Crap. I am tired and feel sick but I so wanted to get to the gym today. Got up at 6 running late and out the door at 6:30 at 6:20 when I left the office I just wanted to come home. I have got to pick it up...I know that I am fighting some kind of illness b/c this is how my body feels when I am on the edge of sickness. BUT I hate to see two days go by without me time...I will say that the balance is that I came home, got in bed, have read on my lap top, listening to Maine Public Radio and finally feel warm (first time all day). I feel centered in a warm and peaceful way. So not all bad...But get me to the gym tomorrow!!!!

This week--missed one day lame at home stuff

Okay so missed one day at the gym...did a really lame attempt at 10pm from guilt of some work out moves in my apartment...how pathetic...kept me away til midnight. BUT overall I am happy with the fitness goal and feel stronger. I was impressed that my body is responding...the work out is easier I go further on treadmill...I lift with greater ease. Good Stuff.

Priscilla and her daughter joined me at the gym. Guilt is a wonderful thing. She is a hoot as she has all the same witty sayings about gym equipment as she does about life. Love it! PB keep going while I am in Eliot!!

As for mental wellness...I have been working my bad mood. I think it is something that will show up in my sisters blog...But overall trying to keep it real...whatever that really means. To me it means remembering that I cannot change the world and not feel guilty about that fact. Here is to a great work out this morning before a good day of catch up work at my new gym! (great equipment I must say...treadmills have those tiny tvs)

Centering and Working OutI

"I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens." this was a quote from an email from Judy Ringer which was actually on her friend's office wall... I like it b/c I am a serious worry person and I seem to actually like to worry.

Okay so there is a reason to offer this.

I was at the gym today (yes I did go again!!!!!) on the elliptical machine ( I do not thing that is how it is spelled) and thinking how many times do I worry... counting the times that worry came into my head as Judy suggested to open myself up to this reality and witness my own behavior.

Okay here it goes:

1. The man next to me was struggling with how to run his machine and I worried about whether to help him or not..eventually he asked the staff to help ( I felt guilty until he pulled his hood over his head and began to breath in a heavy kind of weird way once he was taught).

2. I worried about the event that we are having at the Progress Center in a few weeks...would it come off okay....how would we finish the painting that needs to be done...would enough people come....

3. I worried then about my son, is he happy...does he feel alone in the world...are his struggles too much for him

4. I worried about my daughter...what will her daughters do when she moves to LA in a year...what will I do

5. I worried about the finances at TPC...we are so close to margin..what else can I do

6. I worried about the man across the room he looked like he might have a heart attack...then I worried that I might

7. But if I had a heart attack at least I would not bear the burden of Alzheimer's which I will have since my genetic chances are like 90 %

8. Then I thought about the budgets at work and my QA report due in two days

9. Then I wondered if I can really afforded to take the leadership classes I am interested in...

10. Then I wondered if my face looked all screwed up like the person in front of me lifting weights

11. Then I worried that I looked fat with my floppy arms...

it went on like this for thirty minutes and seriously is that really enough time anyway???

I was off to lifting after 30 minutes which was relief b/c I no longer had to pretend that I could read the TV ....

Do you think the men in the gym where all worrying while they produced sweat on machines? I think I need to get a life!

New Day-Keeping the Good Energy going!

Okay so yesterday I did not join the gym BUT I did work out for a thirty minute cardio gig with Exercise TV. I strongly recommend that if you have On Demand through your cable and if not you can find them on the Internet. There are FREE workouts and you can download your favorites for not much money. It is really great to have them right on your lap top when all else fails....

I am going to head over to the new gym today and get signed up and yes work out :). I really want to have a gym close to home here and one where I work...I know that may seem selfish but I easily spend 60 dollars on a dinner out with Bob (adding to my fat legs and butt) so to spend 40 a month seems pretty much a no "brainer". Several of you have agreed you also want to do this (for our health and emotional well being) and okay to fit into those favorite jeans. GREAT! I love that we are together. Off to finish my blogs and then to gym. Yippee.

Today I Join a New Gym

Okay so today I am going to a new gym on the route one by pass...it is a place that I think is nicer than the big fitness mill in Dover (nothing against them but too many people and too much going one for me). I am determined to go everyday and I am feeling good about going this week.

Thinking however, that the next steps--- like creating hobbies and finding "me" time to really spend in reflection and centering my world will be a much harder step. I seriously have not hobbies. I play no sports, I do play cards or knit, I am not part of a book club...I am kind of a loner. I hate feeling obligated...isn't that weird. Like so much of my life is planned that one more thing, one more appointment puts me over the top.

What the heck do I do with my time? I like to write in my blogs, even if no one reads, I like to cook...maybe I will do more cooking. I am open for ideas...But for now I am going to stick with getting to the gym! And I am going to try and get some of you engaged in the fitness and good eating part of life that we all say we want to do.

Keeping it Real...being honest

Today is harder than yesterday. But I am off to the gym with my daughter. It is good to feel like this small amount of time each day is mine. I went yesterday...found the work out harder I think I was tired but still felt good and kept myself moving. I find if I start with cardio and set the machine to 30 minutes then I will do that time even when it feels like FOREVER. I also play games with myself trying to go further each day. Yesterday I said too tired to go further just focus on doing the time...In the end I went just as far as the day before...weird huh? Okay so off to gym will let you know.

Oh and so you know the centering piece of me is working on being kinder both to myself and others and avoiding unnecessary gossip. Hmmmm will keep at it.

Intent...I am starting with my intention.

I used to run, seriously for almost 12 years I ran 4-6miles a day. However for the past five years I have done little to no running and working out is something I do --sometimes. I want to be healthy, I like the way my body feels when it is healthy. I like the feeling of control and the way my clothes fit. I like me.

What happened to the runner you might ask...I do not know. Life got in the way, I began to dislike myself, other priorities took control,did I say I began to not care for me? I could legitimately tell you that I have bad hips, back problems and knees that do not like me but seriously it is not about that. I do not care enough about me to keep appointments with me.

Today I am building on the intention. I have been to the gym for the last two days, I am heading there this morning. I am building a my habit and caring for me. Looking for my center. I am doing this blog to bring my friends with me, hold me accountable, Join ME. This is so important in this crazy life...I want my jeans to fit and to feel good. How about you?