Okay Okay not so good..Try Again!

Yep I have to say this taking care of me stuff is tricky...I found myself totally out of energy and breath after only 20 minutes of a work out the other day. And whatever I did with those weights and squats left my thighs burning for two days..what up with that? Maybe I can figure out which one worked so well and keep that one up.

I have tried to reduce the intake...but then last night I got into the Planters trail mix..do not even look at the calories on that one. Well it is morning and it is almost time to get moving. So I will do my mini work out...might go to gym for lunch and clear my head before the afternoon of work. I need to find ways to build focus and keep on track. Between my father's passing http://sistersoftheperpetuallydissatisfied.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-fatherfly-well.html

and the chaos of work I believe I am a bit depressed. Those commercials for things like Cymbalta (http://www.cymbalta.com/index.jsp) are looking real tempting...but then I recall that those medications all include weight gain...ugh. But then I also know that I have to get on track. For me working out, eating correctly and finding quiet time are critical and all lacking. The question is: can I bring these things into my life and get better. I think the only answer is to keep trying. What works for you?

Boxing Day...Time to start anew

Oh joy for boxing day. I am done with the big meals, the crackers and cheese...potato chips (oh I love them) and hummus with lots of olive oil, salt and pepper. It is about getting motivated now.

The gym will be packed but I will ignore the holiday and New Years folks..they will be gone by February. I will be a gym rat snob...even though I find that I have become one of those occasional folks. Ugh I am the part time fitness and full time mid life over weight folks. I need to get a grip.

One of my favorite pass times is to visit the local second hand stores, and there are a lot of them opening lately...it is so much fun. My best find is a great pair of jeans...I love to look for jeans but I am not going to allow myself any more jeans unless I get down to a comfy loose fitting size 8 and then we will work toward 6 again. I am tired of size 10 jeans not even feeling comfortable...I do not want muffin top and I want to be fit enough to have fun with my dog and my grand children. Oh joy boxing day...here we go. Reports coming tomorrow!

Today I will do something!

Okay today I will get up...soon...and exercise. It will be good, really. I am amazed at how often I believe that I have the capacity to recreate myself. Seriously after half a century I should know better. It amazes me how often I am willing to begin anew.

This holiday season has been tough. I drink too much wine and eat too much junk. It is not the empty calories in my glass of wine (well two) that I worry about as much as my "wine attitude". The one that says "hey look chex mix: healthy, low calorie (says so on my low fat bag) ...tomorrow we will work out hard". Oh and then I have that "who cares anyway" conversation. Hell I worked my whole life to look good, from my 30's and into my early 40's I ran everyday, everyday four to five miles. So eat the chex mix...dig for those fat filled peanuts!

Okay well today I am going to try and work out, fight my cold off with some sweat. I will hurt, my hip (the big excuse for not running anymore) will hurt, I will take ibuprofen and best of all: Believe that tomorrow I will actually do it again.

I cannot dance so in public I lift!

So my new fun little routine that I work out to has dance moves...while I once fashioned myself a dancer (Oh lordy how people must have laughed at me, thank goodness I drank too) I cannot for the life of me keep up. Seriously it is amazing. Good news about this workout is that the time goes fast so thirty minutes ends and I am sweating.

I do this because at some point I might actually join the class at the gym, but my fear of being totally out of step overrides my desire to be in the group. So for now I will stick to my safe stair master and lift while at the gym. Ah but secretly in my little house I will practice dancing for fitness!

I Will Do Something

Okay so another morning has been spent on the blogs...but I am going to do something before I shower. I will go to TV exercise, if you have not been here it is well worth it. You can find a great ten minute work out (For Free) http://exercisetv.tv/ and feel a little bit better about yourself.

Of course this means that I also have to find a work out bra..you know that there is no jumping at 51 without it!!! Good heavens. It will be a hard day of decisions and I need a clear head. Work on my Judy Ringer "difficult conversations"(check this lady out ...wonderful stuff) http://www.judyringer.com/html/main.html and be strong. Wish me luck. Off to my ten minutes of "me" time....well body me time. I actually find my hour or two from 5-7am to be great me and the girls on the blogs time!

SO SO ...That is it

Okay so most of my posts lately been in my "sisters" blog but had to update. I am not doing too well here. Trying though. I have been to the gym at least a few times a week and Saturday I actually took to the road for a quick jog. (I am still crippled from it) I have decided to return to church, spending a little time with faith seemed like a good idea. I also bring Mom, she does like to go to church even though she grumbles when I wake her.

I find the hardest thing about taking care of me is that I prefer, by habit or instinct or training, to take care of others. It is what I do. Just like on Saturday when I did run it was because going to the gym simply did not fit into the schedule of visits to Dad, grocery shopping and cooking dinner for the throng of people who currently call my house home. I occasionally search the web for information on codependency...I know that is me. I read and think about it.

Well that is my story...I believe that it is in the trying that we achieve something. Keep moving forward and being aware of what sucks life from me, finding the time to energize and stopping along the way to ensure that I am not enjoying the pity party but the beauty around me. Wow how is that for a Monday morning after vacation? Check me on Thursday!

Great Article

I rarely read all of my on line Sun Journal but today I was compelled to open it. I am glad for that b/c it really was good one. I have been struggling with my exercise and not feeling great about me but this article really made me feel like hey...I can do this. I love the fact that these two women, who clearly are fighting lots of odds, have come so far by a simple program of walking.

It is one of those stories that makes you want to get up and keep going!

http://www.sunjournal.com/node/427655

Happy Day...oh and while I am going to gym it is not daily but I keep trying!

Working out kind of..:)

Okay so hit the gym a few times this weekend but Bad, Bad today...only went for a walk with Laurie..thanks Laurie! I do need to hit it tomorrow. I am trying to get stronger...to see how much I can bench press..should not be hard to move from current place...the 45 pound bar! Okay I lie...Saturday I did 55 pounds..two little five pound weights on either end...Yippee! good heavens keep me focused. My mind is a jumble so the body has to do something!. Tomorrow is do it day!

Gym after work hold me to it!

Okay moved furniture all day yesterday...figured that was pretty good work out...Today I go to gym after work...remind me!!! I must go. I am spending time getting organized and figured out that I am in need of a good "center". I am taking time to take care of me and that is hard. But I know I must and so today I will organize, exercise and rest. Let's see how that works for me :)

So a weekend 50/50 split

Well not perfect...and whine, whine, whine I was sick all week and Saturday at the gym was pretty much a major event. I felt weak and tired. But also I am getting stronger when it comes to lifting...that is pretty cool. Would it not be great to lift enough to loose weight and not have to do some darn much ucky cardio!!! I really get tired of the elliptical machine.

Today was a pretty bad, 15 minute quick work out before shower and then off to care for everyone else. Hey no wonder the "giving tree" ended up with just a stump. I am tired and going to bed. Gym tomorrow and some work on my book. Got to keep the workouts going so that I do not loose my drive.

okay back on it...not sure how long

Back to gym today...feeling like cold/flu is getting better. I feel better about finding the time to do what I need. Not much more to say and not sure that I am all that certain about staying dedicated. But for today it is okay....let us see what tomorrow brings!

OH no I am falling behind!

Had great work out Friday, Saturday was a struggle and yesterday and today: Nothing. Crap. I am tired and feel sick but I so wanted to get to the gym today. Got up at 6 running late and out the door at 6:30 at 6:20 when I left the office I just wanted to come home. I have got to pick it up...I know that I am fighting some kind of illness b/c this is how my body feels when I am on the edge of sickness. BUT I hate to see two days go by without me time...I will say that the balance is that I came home, got in bed, have read on my lap top, listening to Maine Public Radio and finally feel warm (first time all day). I feel centered in a warm and peaceful way. So not all bad...But get me to the gym tomorrow!!!!

This week--missed one day lame at home stuff

Okay so missed one day at the gym...did a really lame attempt at 10pm from guilt of some work out moves in my apartment...how pathetic...kept me away til midnight. BUT overall I am happy with the fitness goal and feel stronger. I was impressed that my body is responding...the work out is easier I go further on treadmill...I lift with greater ease. Good Stuff.

Priscilla and her daughter joined me at the gym. Guilt is a wonderful thing. She is a hoot as she has all the same witty sayings about gym equipment as she does about life. Love it! PB keep going while I am in Eliot!!

As for mental wellness...I have been working my bad mood. I think it is something that will show up in my sisters blog...But overall trying to keep it real...whatever that really means. To me it means remembering that I cannot change the world and not feel guilty about that fact. Here is to a great work out this morning before a good day of catch up work at my new gym! (great equipment I must say...treadmills have those tiny tvs)

Centering and Working OutI

"I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens." this was a quote from an email from Judy Ringer which was actually on her friend's office wall... I like it b/c I am a serious worry person and I seem to actually like to worry.

Okay so there is a reason to offer this.

I was at the gym today (yes I did go again!!!!!) on the elliptical machine ( I do not thing that is how it is spelled) and thinking how many times do I worry... counting the times that worry came into my head as Judy suggested to open myself up to this reality and witness my own behavior.

Okay here it goes:

1. The man next to me was struggling with how to run his machine and I worried about whether to help him or not..eventually he asked the staff to help ( I felt guilty until he pulled his hood over his head and began to breath in a heavy kind of weird way once he was taught).

2. I worried about the event that we are having at the Progress Center in a few weeks...would it come off okay....how would we finish the painting that needs to be done...would enough people come....

3. I worried then about my son, is he happy...does he feel alone in the world...are his struggles too much for him

4. I worried about my daughter...what will her daughters do when she moves to LA in a year...what will I do

5. I worried about the finances at TPC...we are so close to margin..what else can I do

6. I worried about the man across the room he looked like he might have a heart attack...then I worried that I might

7. But if I had a heart attack at least I would not bear the burden of Alzheimer's which I will have since my genetic chances are like 90 %

8. Then I thought about the budgets at work and my QA report due in two days

9. Then I wondered if I can really afforded to take the leadership classes I am interested in...

10. Then I wondered if my face looked all screwed up like the person in front of me lifting weights

11. Then I worried that I looked fat with my floppy arms...

it went on like this for thirty minutes and seriously is that really enough time anyway???

I was off to lifting after 30 minutes which was relief b/c I no longer had to pretend that I could read the TV ....

Do you think the men in the gym where all worrying while they produced sweat on machines? I think I need to get a life!

New Day-Keeping the Good Energy going!

Okay so yesterday I did not join the gym BUT I did work out for a thirty minute cardio gig with Exercise TV. I strongly recommend that if you have On Demand through your cable and if not you can find them on the Internet. There are FREE workouts and you can download your favorites for not much money. It is really great to have them right on your lap top when all else fails....

I am going to head over to the new gym today and get signed up and yes work out :). I really want to have a gym close to home here and one where I work...I know that may seem selfish but I easily spend 60 dollars on a dinner out with Bob (adding to my fat legs and butt) so to spend 40 a month seems pretty much a no "brainer". Several of you have agreed you also want to do this (for our health and emotional well being) and okay to fit into those favorite jeans. GREAT! I love that we are together. Off to finish my blogs and then to gym. Yippee.

Today I Join a New Gym

Okay so today I am going to a new gym on the route one by pass...it is a place that I think is nicer than the big fitness mill in Dover (nothing against them but too many people and too much going one for me). I am determined to go everyday and I am feeling good about going this week.

Thinking however, that the next steps--- like creating hobbies and finding "me" time to really spend in reflection and centering my world will be a much harder step. I seriously have not hobbies. I play no sports, I do play cards or knit, I am not part of a book club...I am kind of a loner. I hate feeling obligated...isn't that weird. Like so much of my life is planned that one more thing, one more appointment puts me over the top.

What the heck do I do with my time? I like to write in my blogs, even if no one reads, I like to cook...maybe I will do more cooking. I am open for ideas...But for now I am going to stick with getting to the gym! And I am going to try and get some of you engaged in the fitness and good eating part of life that we all say we want to do.

Keeping it Real...being honest

Today is harder than yesterday. But I am off to the gym with my daughter. It is good to feel like this small amount of time each day is mine. I went yesterday...found the work out harder I think I was tired but still felt good and kept myself moving. I find if I start with cardio and set the machine to 30 minutes then I will do that time even when it feels like FOREVER. I also play games with myself trying to go further each day. Yesterday I said too tired to go further just focus on doing the time...In the end I went just as far as the day before...weird huh? Okay so off to gym will let you know.

Oh and so you know the centering piece of me is working on being kinder both to myself and others and avoiding unnecessary gossip. Hmmmm will keep at it.

Intent...I am starting with my intention.

I used to run, seriously for almost 12 years I ran 4-6miles a day. However for the past five years I have done little to no running and working out is something I do --sometimes. I want to be healthy, I like the way my body feels when it is healthy. I like the feeling of control and the way my clothes fit. I like me.

What happened to the runner you might ask...I do not know. Life got in the way, I began to dislike myself, other priorities took control,did I say I began to not care for me? I could legitimately tell you that I have bad hips, back problems and knees that do not like me but seriously it is not about that. I do not care enough about me to keep appointments with me.

Today I am building on the intention. I have been to the gym for the last two days, I am heading there this morning. I am building a my habit and caring for me. Looking for my center. I am doing this blog to bring my friends with me, hold me accountable, Join ME. This is so important in this crazy life...I want my jeans to fit and to feel good. How about you?